


Certainty

by Mandergee



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, hypergraphia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-30
Updated: 2014-06-30
Packaged: 2018-02-06 21:38:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1873404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mandergee/pseuds/Mandergee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As he begins to exhibit signs similar to those in the test subjects for T.A.H.I.T.I, Phil Coulson doesn't know if there will ever be another certainty in his life again. Melinda May is there to tell him otherwise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Certainty

“I hate needing you.”

“You don't.” She stepped up to stand beside him, reaching out to trace the alien imagery he'd etched on the walls. Her fingers lightly caressed the lines and circles he'd drawn, and he realized he hadn't expected this reaction from her, this contemplative calm. What he _had_ expected, he thought, was for her to draw her weapon on him and bring him to his knees; and even as the thought came to him he felt ashamed of it. “You're going to be all right, Phil. This _isn't_ the end of the line.”

“I'm drawing alien languages- if that's even what this is- on walls, and you're saying this isn't the end of the line?” He laughed, and wondered if she heard the terror in that laughter as clearly as he did. Melinda May had fought her own demons- was _still_ fighting them, and she'd recognize the fear as easily as he'd always been able to recognize hers beneath that calm exterior. It took people wearing disguises to recognize others in disguise, and he'd learned long ago to know when she was wearing hers. Now, he thought, it was her turn to start see through his. “I need you..when it's time to put me down. _Will_ you put me down, May?”

She didn't answer. Wouldn't, he suspected, as she stepped away and continued to trace what was on the wall before them, walking the length of it with a slow and steady pace. She kept her fingers barely touching, and as she reached the end she spun back abruptly to look back at him. He didn't know how she'd known enough to find him there, and as he took in the sight of her standing there in t-shirt and leggings he wondered for the first time if she'd woken from another of her own constant nightmares and gone to seek him out for comfort. But instead of the comfort she'd found another nightmare, one he couldn't say with certainty either of them would ever wake up from.

“May.”

“You think I could- you'd even _ask_ me if I could do that to you, after what we went through?” Her eyes moved over his face, searching, and he was curious about what she saw in him that he couldn't. What had she always seen when she looked at him, that put that smile on her face and that glimmer of hope in her deep brown eyes? At that moment he didn't see the hope, but the sadness that came over them in a sheen of tears, her voice thick with them. “Phil, I came into this because I believe in you- I believe in what you are, in _who_ you are. And I care...a lot more than I'd ever thought I could about anyone. I'm no danger to you, and I won't stand by and let anything _be._ ”

He believed it, as much as he could, as the tool in his hand dropped to the floor in a loud ping that echoed through the empty space, though the vast chasm that stood between them. Apologizing for his words had brought her to his side again, to fight there as if she'd never left, but still he wondered if there was more that needed to be done to heal the fierce pain he'd caused. Even in the moment when he feared for his own sanity he worried about their friendship, and he found that trace of normalcy brought him comfort.

“No. I don't.” He knew that now, he'd always known it, and as she walked back toward him he reached out to trace the same images her fingertips had traced moments before. He could imagine the warmth from them, and imagined she'd felt his when she'd touched them. “I'm...afraid. I've seen what this can do to people, to the test subjects. I don't want to be another test subject who slips into madness. I don't know what to do.”

“You're going to be all right,” She was beside him again and he saw her hand come up to the wall, blocking out the symbols he traced so he could see only her fingers gently entwining with his. It was soothing, the sensation of her skin and he turned his head to look into her eyes again. “Because you aren't one of those test subjects. You're Phil Coulson, and you're _going to be all right_. When have I ever lied to you?”  
He raised an eyebrow, and her lips quirked up in a smile before she leaned forward to press them gently against his. They stood together for a moment, foreheads touching, and he knew that she was right. He _was_ changing, something _was_ happening to him...but he'd come through fire and ice and countless disasters knowing that someone had his back. This was going to be no different as long as May was beside him to ease the passage into whatever was next.

It was going to be fine, and if it wasn't...she'd be there until it was..

That was a certainty he could hold on to.


End file.
